Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Just a Quickie!!

Posted: September 29, 2011 in Uncategorized

And no, I’m not referring to sex – for once!!

I’m talking about a quick post!!

Yesterday, as I was posting, I suddenly had an idea!!

A good one that I will now share with you!

I have decided to throw myself a combined – ‘Welcome to your New Home’ and ‘Happy Birthday’ party next month and the theme of the party is –

 

 

WAIT FOR IT………

 

 

 

1920’s Gangsters!!!!

 

I already have my costume sorted (sort of!)

 

HAHAHA!!!!

It’ll be awesome!!

And – guess what!!

 

I’ve decided to open my house to my buddies here from cyber space!!

I figured – you guys deserve to ‘see’ me for real I mean – I’ve known some of you for – years!! And besides, I have nothing to hide – I just don’t want millions of people ogling my photos on FACEBOOK!!

Anyway – if any of you aren’t too busy on the 22nd of October (and you are in the nearby vicinity of New York) you are more than welcome to swing on by! Just send me an email and I will send you the address.

I ask only that you – come in costume and be prepared to dance the night away!!

So, come and have a drink, a cigarette and a Charleston Dance!!!

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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Just thought I’d Share These!!!

Posted: September 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

Sounds Like Me!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sound Familiar?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They Even Buy Me Drinks!!!

 

 

AMEN!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These came in an email from a friend (shout out to you, Dominique!!) whom I met whilst we were on our honeymoon in South Africa.

I just couldn’t resist sharing them with all of you!!

 

I especially liked these four!

 

*#*

 

 

Boarded!!

Posted: August 29, 2011 in Uncategorized

It’s a sight I have never seen before and something that will haunt me forever –

 

Boarded Bloomingdale's!!!

 

THE HORROR!!

I can’t breathe! It’s fucking – awful!!

 

My lovely, lovely Bloomingdale’s – boarded against Hurricane Irene!!

 

 

 

I am pleased however to add that Bloomingdale’s survived the storm! As did I.

I attended a Hurricane Party!

So much fun!

 

Just thought I’d let you all know!

 

*#*

FIRST A NOTE:

Having recently been involved in a bit of a tiff with Nik’s new bitch, I am in no mood to be civil so, please, if offensive language offends you – turn the fuck away NOW…

 

I HATE Nik’s new woman! Really I do. Of all the lousy, fucking shit to sprout! To say that Nik broke up with me because I was PREGNANT (with another man’s child!) and that I terminated the pregnancy in a ‘desperate attempt to keep Nik’ is just –

*@#!? *#??&!!@ *&%#@ @!%&*$ *&@#$ %&*@!# /?*&$%#@ !@&*%$# ?*&%$@ #!@%*& *%^&$@#

 

Just who the FUCK does she think she is?! I mean REALLY!!! Even if I was pregnant (with Nik or another man’s child) I still would have broken things off with Nik! The man got severely jealous when I spoke to other guys! Not to mention he nearly shat himself when he caught me eating ice-cream in the bath!

‘You can’t eat ice-cream in the bath! This isn’t the kitchen!’

Yeah, no shit Sherlock! The fact that I’m trying to seduce you as I’m laying naked in the tub, sucking on a spoon of ice-cream, NEVER crossed your mind, did it?!

Idiot.

And hearing little Miss Priss talking such shit to anyone who will even give her the time of day is really pissing me off!

!!!! DEEP BREATH!!!!

!!!! JUST BREATHE, ANDI!!!

JUST BREATHE!

 

Like I couldn’t hack being a single mom if I chose that route! Please! Beware the idiot that fucks with my kid!

And as for abortion – BIG FUCKING NO-NO!!!!!

 

!!!!!! JUST BREATHE!!!!!

 

 

 

I think it’s her way of trying to get me out of the rock climbing class because she’s jealous. I don’t know what she could be jealous of, Nik and I only talk about rock climbing and we’re not even alone when we do talk.

I better set her straight.

I don’t want Nik back! She can have him and his possessive ways with my blessing! Really! She’s pretty and dumb for thinking that there is still something between Nik and I besides rock climbing.

This is strike three for her, you know.

There’s the thing with Harry that’s strike two and then of course there’s the very first day.

On that day, she asked Albert if I was ‘the widow Nik had been banging’. He said yes and she said, ‘Well, she’s unlucky in love, isn’t she?’

Seriously man, don’t even fucking go there! That is one subject I’m very, very touchy about!

And, if you do want to talk about it, make damn sure I can’t fucking hear you or that I will ever find out about it!!

 

 

There, rant over. I feel better now.

 

*#*

Why is it that some people don’t see the inner beauty of others? They only look at the outside and simply assume that because the person isn’t a flawless beauty who models underwear in their spare time, that they’re not worthy of their time and friendship?

I hate people like that, I really do. They are such a pain in the ass.

Take Nik’s new girlfriend, for example. (Now, I confess, I might be a little biased but it isn’t easy seeing him with another woman. not easy at all even though I was the one to break things off. It still sucks though. I wanted him to be moping for his loss for a little longer, dammit!) Anyway, she’s a pretty girl; long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, cute dimples when she smiles and laughs – that sort of pretty. Not the sort of girl I saw Nik moving on with but – that’s his business.

She comes to climbing class (oh yes! I still go! And I enjoy every second of it regardless of Nik’s looks and glances) but, she doesn’t climb. Oh no, ‘she could chip a nail’ (LOL!!!) so she sits all dressed up in climbing clothes (WTF!!) and just watches the rest of us. I have a bit of a problem with that – just a little one because, besides watching, she shouts out ‘encouragement’.

For example, ‘That’s it! That’s it! Just a little higher!’ or ‘Reach to your left! To your left!’ or my personal favorite ‘You got it, baby!’ as Nik reaches the summit for the umpteenth time with his newer recruits.

Ahem.

My friend Harry recently started taking the class. He wanted to do something fun and at the same time, something that will give him one hell of a workout, so I told him about the rock climbing classes that I take. He was very eager and signed up for it immediately. He also went out and bought himself the most atrocious track suit pants!

Anyway, we arrived at class together and people stared at us but particularly at Harry. You see, Harry was in a terrible motorbike accident when he was seventeen. He was thrown from his bike at nearly 110 miles an hour (that’s 176 km) and was badly injured. He was in the hospital for six weeks, four of which were spent in a coma that doctors doubted he would ever wake up from. He was wearing a helmet (thank God!) but in some weird twist, after the initial impact, it popped off and he hit the ground again, was knocked unconscious and skid for nearly 60 feet before coming to a stop.

It was horrible. Half of Harry’s face was gone! Torn off by the ground as he skid across it. His left ear was shorn off leaving only a gaping hole, he is partially blind in his left eye and the scars are terrible. After months of reconstructive surgery, Harry’s nose and lip were restored and the doctors even took some skin and tissue from his leg and gave Harry a new cheek. It was awesome!

But the scars will always remain. He looks so much better now than what he did 10 years ago (the redness and swelling  have gone down completely) but – as I said, the scars remain and in many cases, that’s what people look at and nothing more.

Harry’s sense of humor, his wit and charm are lost on many people because they are ‘grossed out’ by him. In college, I was appalled by some of the things that people said about him. I even gave one guy a blue eye because he said that Harry was so disgusting, his own mother didn’t want him around.

So, standing there in rock climbing class, people all staring and whispering about Harry, I felt so angry and wondered why people only look at the outside. Albert and Scott introduced themselves and immediately asked Harry if he was here for the beginners class or would he be interested in getting into something a little tougher. They have no problem with Harry (and I love them for it!).

Then there’s ‘Miss Priss’. She just kept staring at Harry and when he went over to the refreshments table (about ten feet from her) she watched him coming and then got up and went over to Nik, shying away from Harry like he was a leper. Harry was cool with it, he’s been dealing with people like her for years but for me –

I’m very protective of Harry even though he’s well over six feet tall. He doesn’t need my mothering but – I can’t help it. So when I heard her laughingly ask Nik (in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear), ‘How does he wear sunglasses?’ I lost it. It was such a stupid remark really but – it hurt Harry. I know it did even though he said nothing.

I told Nik to keep his bitch on a shorter leash and if he didn’t have one, he could always use the one I used on him when we were together. This made Harry burst out laughing and we left in good spirits.

But, the question remains, someone who is as pretty as she is, still can’t see the beauty in others. It makes me wonder, how many of you have seen the movie ‘Shallow Hal’ with Gwyneth Paltrow and Jack Black?

Jack’s character is hypnotised so that he sees people for who they are on the inside. He is then attracted to all these ‘beautiful’ women (who in turn are attracted to him) but they are in actual fact, ‘ugly’ women. This movie had a severe impact on me.

I wonder what ‘Miss Priss’ would look like if we only got to see her ‘inner beauty’?

And what would people see when they look at me?

*#*

I’m not talking about what you call your cat, budgie, dog or piglet.

I’m talking about that lady in the coffee shop who sees her friend (who she was just gossiping about to their mutual friend) and takes a deep breath before loudly asking (in a drawl that will set your teeth on edge) ‘How are you, dah – ling?’

Or, ‘I haven’t seen you in forever – shweet heart.’  (drunken slur intended as it sounds like that guy from that movie).

Pet names like ‘honey’, ‘sweetie’, ‘baby’, ‘big boy’, ‘chief’ and ‘darling’. That’s what I’m talking about here.

My brothers (when they want to irritate me) call me ‘short stuff’. Not that I’m that short but I am a head shorter than Jesse and he’s the shortest of the three of them. My parents call me ‘sweetie’. Logan called me ‘babe’ and that was (and is) a privilege that belongs to him alone. My latest boyfriend (now my ex) called me ‘hot stuff’ and ‘sweet cheeks’ (and no, he wasn’t referring to the cheeks on my face). As I look back on it now, it is actually a little insulting.

Can you imagine coming to stand next to an elderly couple at the check-out line who smile at you with elderly friendliness as she asks her husband, ‘Did you remember the milk, dearest?’ to which he replies, ‘Yes, my love.’. Then, the guy you’re with suddenly asks, ‘Should we buy condoms, sweet cheeks?’ So fucking embarrassing, I can’t tell you.

Why post this? Well, I’m curious. It has recently been brought to my attention that some people are – offended by the use of such names. Even for people they love. If it is a name like ‘hairy nuts’ or ‘droopy-boob’ then, yeah. I’d be insulted too.

But, ‘darling’, ‘honey’ ‘love’? What’s wrong with them?

*#*

Eh, Eh…

Posted: August 2, 2011 in Uncategorized

So, I’ve been away for a while as I’m fully aware that you, my faithful readers and dear friends  know all about. I mean, I got the e-mails and worried messages on my blog and WEbook. I got all of them.

I read all of them too – months after they were written and sent to me. You see, I simply shut off one day and walked away. I had to. I had to see if I could live again, if I could – find ME again in this fucked up little excuse of a life I have going on here. I had to see if I could love again…

I had to see if I could make it. Many of you won’t understand that and I don’t expect you to. Hell, I don’t WANT you to try to understand because it would mean you would have to lose –

Let’s leave that there, shall we?

Suffice to say, I fucked up, ok. I did something I shouldn’t have that left me more confused and hurt than what I was before. I know that now.

You must all think that I’m especially cruel and that I caused a lot of grief and worries by my disappearance and I will completely understand if I don’t receive any responses to this post. I will understand if all of you simply carry on as though I was still gone. I won’t be pissed at anyone if you tell me fuck off either.

Things have changed in my life but I won’t elaborate on that. Let’s just say – I’m looking at the world through new eyes at the moment. This post is just a note to let all of you know that, yes, I am still alive and well; that yes, I am aware of all the concern you felt for me and to tell you that I love you guys for it.

The accompanying song is well – it’s not for you guys. It’s just my way of saying goodbye and good luck to someone from my past who doesn’t really deserve to be mentioned but, it’s my way of letting go and moving on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVEG793G3N4

Fuck.

Whatever man, whatever.

*#*